Tag Archives: communication

Let your talent speak for you

“When your work speaks for itself, don’t interrupt.”

~ Henry J. Kaiser

If you are talented at something and people validate your talent through their words and gestures, don’t make the mistake of ruining their opinion of you by opening your mouth. The only way to excellence is to consistently improve yourself every single day. The real challenge to this statement is HOW do you change yourself. What methods do you need to incorporate into your life to be the best you can be? There are many excellent books written about this subject. Read some and learn from them and start becoming the person you thought you could never be – someone who others admire for their talents. Then, you won’t need to tell everyone how great you are; they’ll be able to see it in your silence. Remember, we have two ears and one mouth. Therefore, we should listen twice as much as we speak. Let your talent shine on through you and on to others without any words spoken. Create it today!

Creation Creature

Special thanks to Tim Coffey for use of his illustration.

Marry well and you’ll be well

“A mother should give her children a superabundance of enthusiasm, that after they have lost all they are sure to lose in mixing with the world, enough may still remain to prompt and support them through great actions.”

~ Julius C. Hare (1795-1855)  English Cleric

Children need lots of encouragement everyday to get through their lives. If they are blessed with a mother (and father!) who raise them up in a manner that others admire and desire, then they will most likely go on to have successful families. To accomplish this, you must “marry well.” While the phrase “marry well” is typically used to describe people who marry someone rich, I am talking about something entirely different: genetics. Apparently, longevity genes can be inherited. According to a February 2005 study in Mechanisms of Aging and Development, exceptional longevity and healthy aging is an inherited phenotype across three generations. So, for you single people out there, pick a spouse whose grandparents are still alive. This won’t make you live longer, but it might help your children. Then you’ll have a better chance knowing that your children will care for you as you get older. Bless all the mothers and fathers of the world. Let them know today that you love them for all they have done for you.

Nurturing Flower

Special thanks to Tim Coffey for use of his illustration.

Emotions in motion

“The sign of intelligent people is their ability to control emotions by the application of reason.”

~ (1904-1990) American Journalist

Marya Mannes

Controlling one’s emotions is so important to one’s character and for so many reasons. People judge us very critically based on how we react to certain actions, verbal statements and/or in-actions. If you want to be considered intelligent by your peers and to strangers that you’re in control of yourself in all situations, then all you have to do is not overreact emotionally. To accomplish this, I have found that it is best to think “big picture” so that you always have a clear perspective of the situation. This gives you some control. It’s also a good idea to count to 10 before you react to something. By doing this, you’ll most likely find that by the time you reach number 1, you will have cooled down enough to handle the matter without so much emotion attached to it. Try it next time and see what happens. 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, all is OK now.

Act tactfully

“Tact is the knack of making a point without making an enemy.”

Howard W. Newton

~ Howard W. Newton

tact: a keen sense of what to do or say in order to maintain good relations with others or avoid offense

Would you like to make new friends and keep the friends you have now? Then be more tactful. Saying the right thing at the right time or the wrong thing at the wrong time can be the difference between keeping or losing a friend. And if your words are tactless, then you’ll possibly make an enemy. Words can be either very sharp like a sword or sweet like the taste of honey. Choose your words carefully in every instance when communicating with those you care about. Being tactful in their presence will earn you much respect and admiration. Please consider these tactful words from me to live by.

Your life or lips?

Oliver Goldsmith

Oliver Goldsmith

“You can preach a better sermon with your life than with your lips.”

~ Oliver Goldsmith (1728-1774) Irish Writer

Lip service never did any good for anyone except those who like to hear only what they want to hear. It’s easy to say something to someone and act like you mean it, but without action behind the words they only tickle the ears. Words are powerful but they cannot match the power of action. If you want to touch someone’s heart with your words, then you must accompany the words with liveliness to push them from your lips into the essence of their being. True friendship requires doing whatever is necessary to convince each other’s soul that you will do anything to preserve the friendship or love between you and them. Do more than tell someone you love them or like them — show them! A little action goes a long way. And a lot of action generates remarkable results.

Big ideas. Small words.

“To get your ideas across use small words, big ideas, and short sentences.”

~ John Henry Patterson

John Henry Patterson

For the most part, I write my blog posts in the same manner as described above. My intent is to share ideas that are big in meaning, easy to understand and even easier to apply in our daily lives. Accomplishing this feat is not as easy as it seems when one simply is putting words on a page. Text has no emotion attached to it nor does it have a sound, so my words ought to breath life into the passages I write in my blog in order for them to be felt. That breath must transmit into something that is compelling to the reader in such a way that it moves them into action. The action then becomes a habit that in some way improves their quality of life for a period of time – whether it be a short or very long time. I hope that I am able to make myself perfectly clear to you with my words, no matter how big or small. They are meant to be clever, coercive, concise, crystalline and never confusing.

Imagery becomes reality

La conscience

Dream Imagery

“The images we create of ourselves that people all over the world see is their reality of us. With this power, our responsibility to others should be to transmit truth, virtue and nobility.”

~ James Filbird

Everybody wants to win, be heard and understood, and in doing so overlook the fact that we can damage both ourselves and others in this pursuit. Since things always start at the level of thought or perception or feeling, controlling the images we create of ourselves must be a conscience act. Right now, today, choose to make a friend, make a difference, and make a different world possible for all of us. Start by creating a reality of yourself that others see you from which compels them to imagine themselves as a part of your image. Be a mirror image of them. Imagine that if you can.

Who are you?

Online/Offline Personality

Personality Chart

You can generally place people in four quadrants: Amiable; Expressive; Analytical; and Driver.

If you want to increase your success of building better business and/or personal relationships, then first you need to understand what kind of person you are among the 4 quadrants listed above. I am in between Amiable and Expressive with some Analytical. Since I know what kind of person I am, I know I need to find others who share my personality pattern if I want the best chance at a successful relationship. Two people who get along in a friendly manner are also inclined to work well together too. So, there really aren’t any negative factors with finding people who are more like you since you’re most suitable as best friends and/or doing business together. This is a perfect marriage that can bring forth wonderful benefits. If you want to sharpen the other personality types that you don’t possess, then make some new friends who fit those types and you’ll be on your way to finding: stress, love/hate emotions, fear, passion play, bitterness, self-reflection, etc. Aren’t relationships fun. My advice: Always be on the lookout for someone who is just like you.

The stage is set

Cropped screenshot of Shirley MacLaine from th...

Shirley MacLaine

“I think of life itself now as a wonderful play that I’ve written for myself… and so my purpose is to have the utmost fun playing my part.”

~ Shirley MacLaine

If life is a stage, and everyday we live on it, then we must write ourselves a play to guide us in how we will act out our lives. What part do you want to play in your stage play? In order to be good at playing a convincing role, you must constantly practice, be bold, have no fear, and passionate, in order to become the person you are playing. If you want to play a lead part, then you need to work hard at it and be your best. If you want to play a minor role in your life, then no need to practice your lines much. And if you want to play an insignificant role, then you don’t have to do anything except show up. Whatever role you choose, be sure and do it artistically so others will be inspired to play along with you. 

Know when to say NO

The Spiritual Audacity of Abraham Joshua Heschel

Abraham Joshua Heschel

“Self-respect is the root of discipline: The sense of dignity grows with the ability to say no to oneself.”

~ Abraham Joshua Heschel

Saying “no” to yourself can be one of the hardest things to do sometimes. When was the last time you refused to not eat that meal that was not healthy for you; or not to accept doing something that was illegal or unscrupulous that would of put a lot of money in your pocket? When you learn to say “no” to yourself, then you can say “no” to others in a more meaningful manner. Just be sure and know when it’s the right time to say “no” and when it’s the right time to say “yes.” When you say “no” you need to mean it; when you say “yes” you need to meant it. This will help you to be looked at as a more dignified and respected person.

For better or for worse?

“Instead of always harping on a man’s faults, tell him of his virtues. Try to pull him out of his rut of bad habits. Hold up to him his better self, his real self that can dare and do and win out.” 

~ Eleanor Porter (1868-1920) American Novelist

It’s just as easy to build someone up as it is to tear someone down. It takes the same amount of energy and action using words and intention to help someone for the better or the worse. All it takes is the right attitude. Next time you’re faced with the opportunity to help or hurt someone, try your best to help them. You’ll notice that is wasn’t all that difficult to do and you’ll probably enjoy it. The good Karma will bring you welcome benefits that you never expected which will encourage you to give more and do better at helping others. Remember, it’s far better to give than to receive.

One minute fool

Study proverb

"We learn till we are old; and even while learning till we get old, there's still 30% left we can never learn while we're alive." Chinese Proverb

“He who asks a question is a fool for a minute; he who does not remains a fool forever.”

~ Chinese proverb

To be a fool for only a minute is quite alright in order to learn something that you can take with you for a lifetime. To be a fool forever for something that you can never take with you is senseless and truly foolish. Never be afraid to ask a question no matter how easy or difficult it may seem to you. Remember, the only stupid question is the one that never gets asked. Because we can never learn everything there is to learn in life, you might as well ask as many questions as you can so that you can be the first one to do so. My question to you is: “When will you start asking more questions that you can benefit from for a lifetime?”

Little, small, tiny = BIG

Gift for Life

Give 'til it hurts!

“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.”

~ Robert Brault

You’ve probably heard the phrase: “Don’t sweat the small stuff, because life is full of small stuff.” The same applies to enjoying all the small things in life because life is full of small things. In fact, in life, it’s all the small things that add up to be the biggest things we cherish and remember the most. When you receive many small gifts over time from someone you care for, it always means more to you than if you received one large gift at once. The reason is that you have more memories from all the moments you received those small gifts which leave a pleasant thought in your mind. If you receive one big gift, the memory is short-lived even though it might be a very special gift. So, as you live your life, learn to enjoy the little things and attach a nice memory to them so that you can relish all of them as if it were the biggest thing that ever happened to you in your life. The secret to this is to be able to recognize when the little things come into your life, otherwise they could become unhappy big things. Give freely and give often!

The window to your soul

“You can find on the outside only what you possess on the inside.”

~ Adolfo Montiel Ballesteros

If you want to know what someone is really like, just watch them when they are at their worst. When under pressure, or when things aren’t going their way, are they calm, patient, thoughtful, careful, quiet or considerate? Or, are they irritable, immature, boisterous, mean, selfish, and unpleasant. To know what someone is like on the inside takes time and a willingness to sincerely want to see into their heart. Make sure you take the time when getting to know someone so you can see the real them. Words and actions are often a mask of deception or an exercise of acting. What you see in life and in people isn’t always what you get, and visa versa.

Attitude matters!

“Our attitude towards others determines their attitude towards us.”

~ Earl Nightingale

Next time you say or write something to somebody, remember that they will think of you much in the same way that you think about them through your words – be them verbal or non-verbal. If you want someone to show you grace and love for example, then give them these via your words, actions and thoughts. Also remember that your intentions are not easily or fully appreciated nor interpreted exactly as you want or expect, so continue with the attitude you want others to have of you until they see your true intention(s).

Thank you for being my friend

“We must find time to stop and thank the people who have made a difference in our lives.”

~ Dan Zadra

“Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.”

~ Mark Twain

“Nothing is ever lost by courtesy. It is the cheapest of pleasures, costs nothing, and conveys much.”

~ Erastus Wiman

For me, courtesy and kindness are absolute requirements between friends. It’s easy to be courteous and kind to those you consider your friends and doing it brings much delight to them. Showing sincere and heartfelt appreciation to friends is something money and gifts cannot substitute. In fact, money won’t even buy them. So, since it is free to give and abundantly found, there is no excuse for not being courteous and kind to those you truly appreciate. Try it more often and see just how happy you make others feel. That happiness you give them will fill your heart. Think of someone you can thank for their friendship, kindness or help and contact them and tell them how much you appreciate them for being a friend.

Making the most of your life

About 15 years ago, I thought of a statement that summed up my complete view of life. If I had to write it as a quote, it would go like this…

“The difference of where you end up in life is determined by 3 key things when communicating with people: “WHAT you say to them…WHOM you say it to…and HOW you say it to them.”

or this,

“We get where we are in this life by our ability to make the best of whoever we meet, by saying the right words, with the the proper emotion, and at the most opportune time.”

If everyone had the same opportunity to meet someone important in life, say Bill Gates, Jackie Chan or Oprah Wingfrey – their fate concerning the meeting would be determined by WHAT they say, and HOW they say it. If you can’t captivate, convince and compel them, then you will lose the chance of a lifetime.

Why marriage is healthy for men

For hormone-addled teenagers, finding a date can often seem to be a matter of life and death. As it turns out, that may not be so far from the truth. In a paper in the August issue of Demography, a team of researchers led by Nicholas Christakis of Harvard University reports that men who reach sexual maturity in an environment with few available women are at risk of dying sooner than their luckier confrères. The team points out that this finding may have important implications for public health in countries such as India and China, where sex ratios are skewed against women.

The idea that a dearth of available women hurts male longevity has been around for some time. There are several reasons why such a hypothesis makes sense. It is now well established that marriage has a beneficial effect on health and survival. Since women are traditionally the caregivers, these benefits accrue especially to men. If there are fewer potential mates around, men may delay marriage or forgo it entirely, losing out on these nuptial niceties. In addition, with more men and fewer single women, the intense competition for a mate is likely to be stressful. Such early-life stress is known to have effects on health that can last for years.

As reasonable as it all sounds, the hypothesis that a skewed sex ratio leads to shorter male lifespan has never been confirmed in humans. To put it to the test, Dr Christakis and his team made use of two unusual sets of demographic data. The first, known as the Wisconsin Longitudinal Study, consists of a third of all those who graduated from high school in the state of Wisconsin in 1957—about 10,000 people. The male-to-female ratio in each person’s graduating class is known, and provides an indicator of the ratio during the sexually formative years of the study’s participants. The second set of data consists of 7½m white men who were enrolled in America’s Medicare programme in 1993. The researchers found the year and state in which each participant’s Social Security number was issued, which typically happened between his 15th and 25th birthdays. The sex ratio of his contemporaries was then calculated from state-level census data.

In the Wisconsin sample, Dr Christakis looked at those who had died before their 65th birthday. For the women, there was no significant relationship between their school’s sex ratio and their age of death. For the men, however, a significant relationship did emerge. A percentage-point increase in the male-to-female ratio of a man’s graduation class led to a percentage-point increase in his likelihood of dying before the age of 65. The Social Security data, moreover, suggest that a lack of women during men’s teenage years still haunts their health decades later.

The average white American male who was 65 in 1993 could expect to live another 15 years. Dr Christakis found, however, that those who had come of age around the most available women had a life-expectancy three months longer than that of the least favoured. Three months may not seem a huge difference, but according to Dr Christakis it is comparable to the benefit an elderly person can expect from exercising or losing some surplus weight.

In an American context, these results are, perhaps, no more than an interesting curiosity: at the age of 15, boys outnumber girls by about 4% and the ratio shrinks towards equality thereafter. In China, however, it is estimated that there are now 20% more men of marriageable age than women—the result of selective abortion and infanticide consequent upon the country’s “one-child” policy. That bodes ill for the future health of China’s menfolk.

Wise words at work

“Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not.”

~ Albert Einstein

Considered to be one of the smartest men in the world in the last 200 years, Einstein knew exactly why relationships often fail. The fact is that people don’t change much, especially for someone else and never for someone who asked them to change. Change is the hardest thing for people to do and asking someone to change for you is like asking a lion to stop eating meat. The only thing that changes in people who enter into a relationship are their habits. So, the good things about them become more evident and the bad habits they have become worse.

This is why it is essential for people to really understand all the habits someone has so that they can determine if they are acceptable to them over the long term. One thing to always remember is that people are always their nicest and on their best behavior in the beginning of a friendship/relationship which means you should never completely judge someone in the beginning of a friendship. It takes time to see someone’s habits both good and bad, so take the time to get to know someone as a person and just not as a lover or BF/GF. Remember that “love is blind” and can fool your judgement of someone unless you keep a clear mind at all times.

You can’t change people but you can find someone for your life who will change for you because you inspire them to do so.  This is the key to a happy and fruitful friendship/relationship.

What Is Friendship?

Friendship . . .
. . . is you.
. . . is love.
. . . is shared.
. . . is forgiving.
. . . is understanding.
. . . is shared secrets.
. . . is shared laughter.
. . . can be angry at times.
. . . is dependable and true.
. . . is meant to be savored like fine wine.
. . . is not perfect, much like we are not perfect.
. . . is meant to be gulped like lemonade on a hot summer day.
. . . is always there, through times of trial, happy times and hard times.
. . . just happens, but once discovered, needs to be tended like a beautiful garden.
. . . is a road to be traveled slowly, remembering the sights and sounds.
. . . is strength when you are too weak to notice its there.
. . . reaches into your heart and grabs a firm hold.
. . . is a refreshing rain on a hot day.
. . . is relaxed and comfortable.
. . . is a shoulder to lean on.
. . . is an ear to whine to.
. . . gets better with age.
. . . is shared tears.
. . . is shared joy.
. . . is shared.
. . . is love.
. . . is you.